A Movie About Our Search for Love

Anybody who has watched our documentary film, Project Everlasting: The Search for America's Greatest Marriages Begins!, can recognize that we didn't produce it with money but rather with everything we had otherwise.

What we had, of course, were the stories of about a hundred everlasting couples, a lot of heart, and a lot of desire to share what we'd been discovering.

Watching this trailer for Paper Heart reminded me of that grassroots, low-budget approach to filmmaking, which is why I'll for sure be standing in line for the movie when it comes out, along with the other 10 or 11 people who appreciate art that's made with more heart than dollars.

Here's the trailer for the movie so you can see what I'm talking about...



But it's not just the movie's shoestring, organic approach to filmmaking that draws me here. No, I'm also interested in the main character's quest itself: she's taking an honest look at what love means for other human beings, and then discovering how she does or doesn't relate to those ideas of fulfillment. What a stellar question for us to ask! For the opportunity to see how she arrives at answers and how those answers affect her, I will gladly pay my $10.50 admission.

As you might gather now, I'm not posting this to persuade you to go see a particular movie. Heck, you might find the question "What does love mean to me?" at the spine of Sandra Bullock's latest, Blindside, and I'd get it. Indeed, just about any form of entertainment or art probably has a hint of this question at its fundamental root. But my question to you is -- and may it be a persuasive one -- how do you define love?

• Is love the quality time someone spends with you?
• Is love the dinner bill that someone picks up for you?
• Is love the note that someone writes to you?
• Is love the look that someone gives you?
• Is love the commitment someone makes to you?
• Is love the way someone touches you?
• Is love the words that someone speaks to you?
• Is love the space that someone creates for you?
• Is love the forgiveness that someone holds for you?

Spend time right now reflecting upon how you best define love's meaning.  I suggest looking deeply at how you enjoy love's great fruits when received from another first, and then asking yourself an important second question: Do I give myself that same measure of love?

Or...do I wait for that someone to do it for me?

Start with yourself, I say. The rest will follow your lead.

May Edition of Love Notes, Project Everlasting's Free Newsletter

IN MEMORY

One moment, her eyes were present and bright; the next, faded into the confusing abyss of a life without history, a seeming non-existence. Anne Stidham's mind was afflicted by Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's disease is the ultimate thief: Silent, it sneaks calmly into your bedroom closet while you're brushing your teeth; Subtle, it lifts smaller items here and there, month by month, so that by the time you realize something's missing half your belongings are gone; Merciless, it does not take what it wants and bolt out the back window as you pull the car up the drive, but rather makes a homestead in your brain, ever increasing its lot, pickpocketing your property until you don't remember who you are. And you die with no memory of the life you've lived.

Or, in Anne's case, the husband you've loved for 63 years.

When Mat and I interviewed Anne and her husband, Jim, back in 2005, it was clear that the thief had been with her for quite awhile. She would begin to answer our questions about their early marriage days, then hesitate, confused, then agitated, until finally she'd look to Jim for answers to a question she couldn't remember.

It's frustrating enough as an interviewer when you know the story is right there, just a few details away from being an illuminating anecdote for, in our project's case, how to make a successful relationship tick. But I think it's safe to say we had no idea what frustration really felt like when compared to the daily struggles for Jim, a man who could do nothing for his wife but watch her slowly get robbed of all memory by a disease that has no known cures. Then again, there was just one other thing Jim could do, which he did wholeheartedly: Love her.

There's that famous poem about love in the Bible, often quoted at wedding ceremonies: Love is patient, love is kind, it begins. And that's just it: that's where love's definition merely begins. Because, as Jim's compassion-filled eyes told me that day we sat with him and his memory-challenged wife, Love is not defined in words.

Many of you responded passionately to the last Love Notes I wrote to you, the one about change and compassion, but nobody's response hit me like the one from Stidham's daughter, who replied from Jim's email address:

This is Anne and Jim's daughter. My dad passed away 6 hours short of their 64th wedding anniversary. My mother is sufficiently confused that we never told her, but she knows anyway.
This [email] will be closed shortly.

I wept as I reread the message and thought back to Jim's big, triumphant laughter while he was describing a fight between him and Anne:

"So she sat on top of me and grabbed me by the ears and started pounding my head against the floor and I was just laughing!"

While Mat and I laughed with Jim (now that's a fight!), I noticed Anne's reaction; her face told me that she did not recall this event. And I imagine that since that day, Anne's condition only worsened causing her to simply forget Jim altogether at times, further testing his capacity for patience and selfless love, which, I believe, is the deepest, most inherent gift a relationship can offer: the mirror into which we can look to discover just where exactly we are in our hero's journey - not the journey to amass financial wealth or material goodies, of course, but our spiritual journey to be peaceful and be happy and to know God...to know Love.

Can you create tranquility in your heart and soul, right now and always, regardless of the external circumstances? The best source for your answer to that question is in your intimate relationships with the people who matter most to you.

Whenever someone dies, I think it's important to look upon the person's life and illuminate the positive legacy left behind, and since Anne may or may not remember much about her husband of just six hours shy of 64 years, may you and I honor James Stidham's memory right now by recognizing his essential greatness: He was a truly loving man...he is a hero.

Many blessings to you today...make every memory count, ok?

Jason Miller
Project Everlasting


**** Always feel free to pass this or any other edition of our free newsletter, Love Notes, along to your friends, family, and colleagues. And thank you for helping us increase love in the world, one heart at a time.

Wow...Updates! [Love Notes 1/28]

Where do I begin? I feel an urge to list and so, I shall list:

All of the Exciting Things Going On In the World of Project Everlasting

1. The Bachelor Pad
Wanna know what men have to say about love, relationships, and women? I mean, what they really say? So do we! That's why we're gearing up to launch our very own radio show on VoiceAmerica, the #1 rated Internet Radio network in the world (5 million hits a month on their websites!), this March. Yes, it's called "The Bachelor Pad", and it's going to be highly entertaining...and, dare I say, meaningful (?) for men who want MORE in their love lives and women who want some answers to the age-old question: What the heck is he THINKING?! ...hehe, who? Me?

ATTENTION Business Owners: If you want to get your message out to a worldwide audience via The Bachelor Pad, we still have some sponsor and advertiser slots available to you at ground-level rates (i.e., affordable!). Get your audio or video commercial, web banners, or even product placements (envision: Mat and I = Wayne and Garth) on a really fun, unique show -- contact me real quick with a few details about your business and I'll send you an info deck: Jason Miller by email -- devoted(at)projecteverlasting.com

2. Project Everlasting Book Clubs and Movie Nights

We hear about groups all around the country using Project Everlasting in their book clubs and group movie nights, so Mat and I decided to drop in unannounced on one here in Portland, Oregon, just to see if they'd been inspired by what they read and watched...a resounding yup! So inspired, in fact, that they fed us apple cobbler and herbal tea (any flavor you want, Jason!) right there on the spot. They'd just sat down to watch the PE documentary film as we knocked on the door, and this is how one of the women described our surprise appearance in a letter to us:

"Looking out the window and seeing two young men walk up the drive way. I didn't recognize you but I felt safe opening the door because all of the other women were here for protection in case it was needed. So I opened it and you said "We heard that you have ladies meeting here." "Yes" ... I didn't recognize you...Duh!! "For a book club...." OH MY! Lighting struck my brain and started it working and it was THEM!!! WOW!! How did you know where we were???!!! And in you came and excitement hit!!!"

Besides the dessert and beverages, what was most exciting to Mat and me was the conversation that the book and film had obviously inspired (and, it seems, sometimes provoked) within the group of women themselves, but also with their special someones back home. What a rewarding feeling for us to hear how the Marriage Masters' stories and wisdom had inspired so much growth in their relationships!

So, if you're using the PE book or film in a group setting and you'd like to share the conversations, feelings, and growths that you've collectively experienced, please email me with a note plus a picture of your group with the book and/or film, and I will post them to our blog. This kind of thing really helps us to remember that our work has meaning for people, especially in the middle of those long, exhausting road trips to speak all over the country!

3. Speaking of Speaking
Mat and I are going to be all over the place this winter and spring! Come catch one of our workshops, signings, and/or talks If you are near any of these cities:

Honolulu (I'm doing signings at Deepak Chopra's event next Monday, 1/28), Los Angeles (Mat's speaking at Miracle Mastery conference this weekend), Sacramento, San Diego, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Francisco, Portland

Take a peek at www.projecteverlasting.com/upcoming_appearances.html to get more details.

Also, to update you on the "Living the Life" TV segment we put together for CBN on the ABC Family cable network, it will officially air on February 14th (appropriate?). Again, check the "Upcoming Appearances" page on our site for air time details.

4. Early Notice for The Dream Launchers Seminar

People have been asking us for quite a while now, "How did you make this crazy project happen? What'd you learn? How'd you get media attention? How'd you get a literary agent? How'd you get a publishing deal? A TV deal? And, most of all, how in the heck did you stay committed for 4+ years (before you saw a dime in return!)?"

Well, we've listened, and we've answered...we're putting together an awesome, one day event called The Dream Launchers Seminar right here in Portland, Oregon, later this spring. More details to come, but we're looking at May.

5. The University of Love Sorority Series

All right, and finally, we've just launched an exciting new speaking series for universities and sororities across the country. We've been talking about doing this for a long time, so it's nice to see it finally get off our minds and into reality. To learn more about how you can bring us to your college, visit: www.projecteverlasting.com/sororityseries.html

***

And that's it for now...I've gotta go lick some envelopes. Or...ok, ONE more:

6. Writing Our Next Book

Mat and I are heading off to a self-titled "Mt. Bachelor Writer's Conference" this spring, which is really nothing more than a quaint little mountain cabin in Oregon where we finally sit down to get serious about a book that has been both on our minds and on the page since...well, since the beginning of our project in 2003. We'd originally thought it would be awesome to model what our mentor, Mark Victor Hansen, did with his fiction/non-fiction combination "The One Minute Millionaire".

After a year of toying with the fictional story (based on true events that inspired our Project Everlasting mission), and creating an outline, and trying desperately to make it work with the non-fiction material we'd been collecting from Marriage Master interviews, we finally looked at each other and said: "Dude, we're in over our heads here...let's simplify this before we turn 30 and we don't have any thing to show to a publisher." (Mat and I just made the cut-off!)

So, we're going back to the story we've been dying to tell. If you think you'd like a Gen-Y version of Mitch Albom, you're going to love this novel!

***

Ok, seriously. I need to go brush my teeth...thanks for being with me today. I'm out!

With love & gratitude,
Jason Miller
Co-Author/Producer of Project Everlasting: Two Bachelors Discover the Secrets of America's Greatest Marriages

* PS * We've made it super-easy for you to own a signed copy of the bestselling book + the documentary film at a low, low price of $34.95 (+SH)! Get the Project Everlasting Love Package today so you can be ahead of the game for Valentine's Day!

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